First date

So, she backed out.
A day after… That disaster night. I felt she would, though my friends said everything seems to be great so far… I knew shed back out.

We met, ate, and then she told me she doesnt have a crush. Well, not true I think but Im not investing there any more. I like her, but this was just a week. I was sorry, and disappointed. But if she is serious, Id better know early.

Its kinda fine. I talked to her a day later cause Id the feeling I needed to say Im not that kind of girl. I dont want to be tested. She said she needs closeness, kissing and touching to fall in love. Ya, sorry but I was done right there. Killed everything interesting.

I dont want games any more. I dont want to be the affair, back up person, lie. Im worth more.

Im fine being alone. Im good alone.
But having a crush here showed me something.

Im through with my sorrow. I can laugh, and I might be ready to be with somebody.

Its such a weird thought…


Friday, 5 days after she “ended it”, I got a message from somebody else. Yeha, my head is ringing too. -.- What the fuck. Anyway. Shes my age, we talked for a while, them contact ended. We never met. Friday, we texted.

Ive been with friends and its been super boring and annoying just to sit and wait, and she texted with me all the time. Saturday, I helped a friend with moving and had work later. We texted through that, too, and when she went to a party that night, we wrote. We were glued to the cells Sunday, too.

Its nice, sweet and somewhat flirty.
Shes my age, has a kid. Her coming out was like last year.

I have no idea what this is. My head keeps saying shes nice, but this is just a quick fire. My heart is entertained and feels compfy. I dont know.

But I asked her if we want to have ice cream together, and well, now its a date. I asked her today what shes doing Wednesday afternoon. Shes free, so Ill be going there.

I know. Internet is creating illusions. Actually I met my first bf online, its almost 16 years ago now… We came together after knowing each other for a pretty while. Anyway, that ended how it did… He was my first real love. I wasnt his. Took him 7 years to figure out…

So… Im seeing this nice girl, to whom I enjoy talking. There even might be butterflies.
Me, who never really fell in love… Yea. I dont know how this will be.

But writing with her like three days nonstop made me want to see her, see if there is something… I asked her, she said yes instantly and told me she was going to ask me for Saturday.

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