ESC and other disasters

Last night, I met her friends.

I was nervous as hell when I rang the doorbell. She was talking to another friend, so I waited. When he was gone, she hugged me. She introduced me, and it was a bit weird. I stood around a bit lost, until she told me to sit.

Same procedure as before. The second we are close our bodies touch. We shared drinks and watched the show.

She took me on the balcony for a smoke, and kissed me. I was already relaxed then. And enjoyed the party. It was really nice and funny, with smoke breaks and kisses. The friends sat on the bed and we on the floor. At some point, she kissed me right there. In front of her friends. And my head whispered “mine” to my heart.

We held hands, we kissed, we had fun. She told me she was nervous I wouldnt like it. Actually, her friends were cool. No job questions, no how did you met blah. They were funny.

After the ESC show, we played rockband. At that point, lets say we all were tipsy. The others left, and I told her to kick me out if shes ready to sleep. But she and the friend she had staying over dragged me for a last beer, and we ended up sitting there till 5am…

She was sleepy. I was almost sleeping with my head on the table. She offered me to stay. Surprised me. But I was way too tired to think or react. She led me to the bathroom, borrowed me a toothbrush and gave me a shirt.


Her friend on the couch was sound asleep as soon as she laid down, and I was almost out too. Until she pulled me close. Kissed me. Held me.

After a while, her hands started traveling.

I guess you can imagine where this went. Stupid stupid me. Her. Us. Whatever. Anyway, for sure her friend woke up. Im deeply ashamed. I told her Ill better leave so she can talk to her friend. She was so sorry. So was I.

She kissed me goodbye, and when I arrived at home, I found a text saying her friend is annoyed but over all okay. That she can smell me on her skin.

Thats the last I heard. She didnt answer to my text yet.

I need to talk to her. Making out like this wasnt planned and it was way too early. And geez, what kind of idiot am I, drinking too much and ending up like this. With her friend in the same room. That was really stupid.

Beside, I hadnt even thought about sleeping with her yet. I fell asleep with the thought I hope shes still talking to me today.

Ive problems sorting my head, calming it down. I need to talk to her, but Ill wait for her to call as I already texted her… Until that, my head is a mess.

I wasnt looking for a girlfriend. I wasnt looking for a sexual relationship. But we met, and now theres the wish to be with her. To see her. To talk. Not to talk everything through, but today, my head would need contact. Even if its just for a coffee.

Im stupid sometimes.

Her Friends…

I spent the last days with my wonderful best friend. We had a blast. ❤

Tonight Im invited to watch Eurovision Song Contest. With "my girl" and her friends. As she said, its not like she will be introducing me but wants me there.

Im nervous.

Not only because I see her friends or have a problem with fitting into new groups. Nah, Im nervous cause how the hell do I behave?

Im the girl she saw three times, the girl she kissed on the first date after a few hours. The girl whos terribly falling for her.

I think shes feeling the same.

Somebody asked me why Im writing this.
Because it is in my head. Because I need to keep my hands busy to distract my head. Because there are so many things I cant tell her yet, because I need to have the availability to say Im happy, Im nervous, Im confused. Because there are dark spots from my past plopping up, crossing this life. Because I love to write.

Im happy and relaxed. I like this girl. I love her smile.

So, her friends.
Today, she will meet the hippie girl I am. Well, not 100%, but were slowly going there. Im dressed black today, but pretty and yet hippie elegant. Luckily, she is a costume maker, and doesnt care for my clothes. Its so relaxing not to be judged by that… Plus shes kinda a bit hippie herself.

Anyway. Her friends tonight.