Who I am

Im just a girl.

Ive had some rough last years, after a youth that made me be very careful, lonesome. My gran used to call me icy queen. Feelings werent on my family’s to do list.

But I made it here, where I am.
I am how I am because things happened.

My friends asked me once if Im gay or straight.
I started seeing girls three years ago. Before that, its been men. My first love was a good guy, we were together for 7 years.

When people ask me if I love men or women My first thought always is… Does that matter? Maybe I just dont fit in a box here. Can I call myself a lesbian, if I lived with a guy? And over all, why does it even matter?

To me, the important part is falling for someone, having someone loving you back. Real love is rare in my world. Because it is rare everywhere plus Im super careful. I protect my life a lot, dont talk much. Ive always been more of a writer.

Call me whatever you want.
Im just a girl. A dreamer and a realist, a hippie.

I loved men. I loved women.

After the last years, where I was so numb I felt more or less nothing, there are butterflies. They surprise me, the irritate me and hell, I dont need them right now. But they are there, and that might be a good thing.

Because it makes me smile.